Smart Girls Have More Fun!

Just ask Pete, he’ll tell you that I’m a huge fan of Oprah Winfrey.  Don’t even think about talking to me at 4 PM any day I’m home, cause that’s Oprah time and I’m glued to the TV.

Recently she was hyping the upcoming Oscar’s, featuring some of the stars who have been nominated.  One non-star on her show that day was the award winning playwright and producer Aaron Sorkin.  You may not know his name, but you know his works which include ‘A Few Good Men’, ‘The American President’, and ‘The West Wing’.  In 2011 he is nominated for his script ‘The Social Network’.

Oprah did her usual thing at which she is excellent, quizzing him about his career, his life and then she made reference to a quote of his.  During an acceptance speech for another award for ‘The Social Network’ he made a comment for his young daughter that ‘Smart girls have more fun.’

Ahhhh … a Dad after my own heart.  A lot has been written about father/daughter relationships, but probably not enough.  A good father is a precious gem and whether you’re a daughter or a son, the impact of that relationship cannot be heralded enough. 

I was one of the lucky ones.  I had a Dad who adored me.  Who never let me wonder for a second how precious I was to him.  He said ‘No’ when he had to (Like the day I wanted to join the Navy…oh thank you Dad!).  He also knew how I needed freedom in its appropriate forms through my years as a child.  He absolutely was there every second of every day…even when separated by miles.

We had a psychic connection.  One day, years ago, while I was at work, he called out of the clear blue.  He never called me at work.  “What’s wrong?”  he wanted to know.  He caught me off guard; I stumbled with an answer, never admitting to him that I was in turmoil, fearful that I might be pregnant.  How did he pick up on my turmoil?  It proved to be a false alarm, but the memory of that call has stayed with me. 

I always knew I was smart.  Not brilliant, not top of my class, but I am smart.  I am book smart and I am street smart and I am smart because of Dad.  He taught me things I didn’t learn from books or from the street.  I know how to use a circular saw and how to change a tire.  I can change the oil in my car.  I know about weather and why winters are darker in Fairbanks, Alaska.  I know how to set my course by way of the sun and I know how to fish.  My love of golf and knowledge of the basics came from Dad.  All that, and lots more, I learned from my Dad. 

What I wonder about is do Dads get it?  Do they really understand their impact on their children?  Moms get it.  They know, from deep inside their souls, what they are to their children…but do Dads?  I’m not really sure my Dad got it.  I know that he knew how much I loved him…but did he really understand how much he steered my life?  Because of him I am really, really strong when I need to be.  I can say ‘No’ when I must.  Because of him, I recognized my husband the moment I met him.  Dad was the template for the man I married.  Because of him….I had more fun.

Aaron Sorkin also said that “Fatherhood lives up to the hype.”  My prayer is that every Dad on the planet agrees.

Joy IV

On very rare occasions the most amazing things happen.  Like someone whom you love dearly, says the kindest words…words that come from out of the blue.  A hug, a smile and a couple of tears of profound thankfulness…and you know that the world is okay.

Those JOY bubbles can be very sneaky sometimes.

The Acts

Jane Fonda wrote her biography a few years ago and had an interesting way of segmenting her life.  She called them Acts, like on the theatre stage, and broke her life into Act I, Act II and Act III.  This may not be a new notion, but it is new to me and I like it.

Act I: 0-30 years of age….our youth, when we do the stupid things and get away with it. (My definition)

Act II: 31-60 years of age….our settling down years, when we start our families and get respectable, again, my definition.

Act III: 61 and beyond…our reflective time, when we wonder what it was all about, my definition.

I read the book a few years ago, but got thinking about these stages again as I thought about Kate’s (my step-daughter) 30th birthday.  It is coming up shortly and milestone birthdays always find me strolling down memory lane. 

Kate was 8 years old when I first met her.  She was a little tiny nip of a girl with big blue eyes and a fierce spirit.  Not that she was fearsome…but that she had a will all her own…and I knew immediately that she could do anything…anything she could imagine. 

She did have a few things to learn.  She needed to learn how to get through revolving doors without getting stuck.  She did learn how to barrel race horses, downhill ski and manipulate her brother for any outcome she wanted.  She was born with a sense of focus and how to accomplish her goals.  She always knew what she wanted and by her mid-20’s she got herself there…married, a master’s degree and a little later, a daughter. 

Now she is transitioning to Act II and I have no fears for her.  Her marriage is solid and with the passing of time, marriage and parenthood she allows herself more wiggle room. She is in an entirely different place than I was at that age. 

By age 30 I had lived in Florida, Ohio, Alaska and Guam and loved my freedom.  I never had a driving need to be married or have children…it just wasn’t there.  I did not have a career per se, I had jobs that I really enjoyed and never seemed to have problems finding employment.  By mid-Act II I purchased my first home and enjoyed the stability that home ownership provided, no more testy landlords!  I made enough money that I could travel around North America pretty much as I pleased when I pleased. 

At one point I was engaged, the only time before Pete.  But midway through the wedding planning I decided I would rather go to Alaska for a month….says something for my commitment!!  My fiancé agreed, I spent a month in Alaska, came home and broke up the 10 year relationship.

Marriage did make a huge difference and I’m glad I found my perfect partner.  I really don’t want to go deeply into Act III alone.  But marriage did come at a personal price.  Now I share my life and for someone who has always been a loaner, that was a big step.  Compromise became an active verb in my life…something I rarely needed to do prior to marriage.  Luckily I married a man who enjoys and respects freedom as much as I do…so we are well matched for understanding each other’s space needs.

That seems like ancient history now that I stand at the edge of my life.  Act III is both exciting and scary.  I have no illusions, no expectations that this wonderland of my life goes on indefinitely.  The aging process is apparent both physically and psychologically.

I think the best that I can say for myself is….

·         I have no regrets

·         I would not do anything differently

·         Thank you for all the incredible people, who came into and out of my life

It still is one heck of a ride!

Binges

I admit, I’ve been on two binges over the last few months.  Not everyone likes to admit to their binges.  Usually they are food binges, or alcohol or whatever…but my binges got started in the most innocent of ways.

Binge #1:  I was reading a series of historical novels and suddenly I was caught up in the story of the Tudors, focused primarily on King Henry VIII and Elizabeth I.  What incredible people, what incredible times, and how they turned the tides of our religious history.  If we think our politics are convoluted and tied up in other countries, as a nation, we come by it naturally, our ancestors created the same type of intrigue. 

 I found myself reading book after book (no historical fictions here) and watching the Showtime ‘Tudor’ series through Netflix.  Then I turned to the several excellent movies that have been made regarding Elizabeth I.  I compared notes between what has been produced for the movies and how the books told the stories.  There are a lot of inconsistencies even between really well researched authors.  I suspect they come from different religious/political perspectives and of course are subject to interpretations. 

If we ever wonder how we got to where we are today as a country, then part of the answer is in our history.  Doubt me??   Go read some books!

Binge #2:  The second binge got started with Malcolm Gladwell’s book “The Tipping Point’.  In there some where, I don’t even remember the context, there is mention of “Albion’s Seed” by David Hackett Fischer.  Again, I don’t remember the context, but something about the mention of the book poked my interest, so I headed to Half Priced Books and by golly, there on the shelf was “Albion’s Seed”.

First a warning, this book is not for the faint of heart!  It is over 900 pages and Mr. David Hackett Fischer takes an interesting approach.  Albion is the pre-history name of England and Mr. Fischer researched to the tiniest nit, the historical impact of the four major ‘pathways’ of immigration from England into North America.  So, he looked at the education, architecture, sexual mores, religious background, dress preferences, child rearing practices, etc., etc. of the Puritans, Quakers, English Elite and Scottish/Irish immigrants and postulates that what we see among these practices still impacts our behaviors and choices today, depending on our historical heritage.  It was a very long read but extraordinarily revealing of who we are today as a culture!

That launched my ‘career’ of reading David Hackett Fischer.  If you want to learn American History, and you do it via reading, and you want to read interesting history books, try him.  So far I’ve read ‘Albion’s Seed”, “Washington’s Crossing”, “Paul Revere’s Ride” and am about to start “Champlain’s Dream”.  Again, if you can’t sit through very detailed descriptions of Revolutionary War battles, etc., etc., don’t start this project.  I am still amazed that I read every single word, but he is a Pulitzer Prize winning author, so if you’ve got the time, he’s got the research.

When I stop my life for a moment and just ponder, which I am prone to do in the early morning hours before my feet hit the bedroom floor, I realize these two Binges are first cousins.  Binge #1 is a part of the definition of Binge #2 and combined together they provide a profound insight of our history, if we are of English/Scottish/Irish descent.  And that history defines us.  We are so removed today from our roots, that in many ways we have lost our way.  But our history, even back to pre-history eras is out there for us to discover if we are curious enough.

It’s a choice... or maybe a binge.

Enough said.

Love Songs: A tribute to February 14th

Don’t you just love a good love song?  I mentioned on Facebook recently that I really enjoyed ‘Country Strong’ mainly because of the music. 

I’m not up to date on the latest heart throbs and all that happens in Hollywood, so maybe Garret Hedlund isn’t new to most of you, but he was new to me.  Boy, can that guy sing a good love song.  He had two in this movie, ‘Give In To Me’ and ‘Timing Is Everything’.  He is so seductive in that dirty cowboy kind of way. 

It got me thinking about my favorite love songs over the years….from my early teen years when Elvis was king of my heart through the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s when there are too many to even remember.  Memorable moments include Chris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge sharing a mic live on stage, singing ‘Lost Inside of You’ ….wow!  Celine Dion singing ‘My Heart Will Go On’, ‘The Way We Were’ from Barbra Streisand, ‘I Will Always Love You’ Whitney Houston/The Body Guard and on, and on, and on.

Our favorite love songs date us of course.  What I love and what my Mom loved and what the generation behind us loves doesn’t even cross paths.  Not to say we can’t enjoy those early songs or later ones…but there is something about hearing one of your favorites, and the memories it evokes; first kisses, first love, special places. 

Either I’m a big softy, or am getting old, or maybe both , not sure which… but I really do love a good love song.  Below are the words to one of the two from the movie.  The words are good…but set to music is even better.  Spend the 99¢ and buy it off the internet.  Make sure you get the one with Garrett singing it…nothing better.  If you’re in the mood, get the second one, “Give In To Me”….sung by Garrett and Leighton Meester….not Faith Hill (Faith is great, I love her, but you gotta hear this song sung by Garrett and Leighton).

Happy memories……

Timing is Everything, sung by Garrett Hedlund in “Country Strong”

When the stars line up,

And you catch a good breath,

People think you’re lucky,

But you know it’s grace,

It can happen so fast, or a little bit late,

Timing is everything.

You know I’ve had close calls,

When it could have been me,

I was young when I learned just how fragile life could be.

I lost friends of mine,

I guess it wasn’t my time,

Timing is everything.

And I could have been a child that God took home,

I would have been one more unfinished song,

And when it seems a ride is hard to find,

That’s when one comes along, just in time.

Well I remember that day,

When our eyes first met,

You ran into the building to get out of the rain cause you were soaking wet,

And as I held the door,

You wanted to know my name,

Timing is everything.

I could have been another minute late,

And you never would have crossed my path that day,

When it seems true love is hard to find,

That’s when love comes along, just in time.

You can call it fate, or destiny,

Sometimes it really seems like it’s a mystery,

Cause you can be hurt by love,

Or healed by the same,

Timing is everything.

And it can happen so fast, or a little bit late,

Timing is everything.