The Adventure

The Adventure continues on Sunday, July 22.  That’s when Pete and I head south to Florida continuing The Adventure, which for him, started 50 years ago.

He was barely a toddler when his mother gave him up for adoption.  He was old enough to have memories, vague ones, of his Mother and another woman he assumes was his grandmother.  But for one so young, they were very vague, and were of no help as he grew older and began questioning/searching for his origins. 

Life with his adoptive parents was strained at best.  The dynamics of that family changed dramatically when their biological son was born displacing two adopted children, Pete and his adopted sister.  He hung in there until he was 17, old enough to graduate high school and join the Navy.  He never looked back.  He stayed in contact and went home for visits on occasion, but he never returned to their home or town to live.  Those years were behind him. 

Over the years he would occasionally make efforts to find his biological mother or father.  He had conflicting stories of them.  Both stories had his mother in the Army.   Story #1 had her stationed somewhere in Germany and involved with a German resident.  Story #2 had her stationed at Ft. Dix, NJ, and in a relationship with a married officer.  When her pregnancy was disclosed the officer was shipped far away from New Jersey and she was immediately discharged upon the birth of her child; for whatever reason Pete suspected Story #2 was closer to the facts. 

I met Pete when he was 35.  By then he had been married for 10 years, had two children, and lived primarily in Kansas and Colorado.  He was in the middle of a divorce and bankruptcy when we met.  I was on a ski trip with friends to Telluride, Colorado.  He was the doorman at a local bar.  It was love at first sight.  We met in March 1988.  By September 1988 he was living with me in Cincinnati and we married in August 1990.  He told me very early on in our relationship that he was adopted and the whole story as he knew it.  As I got to know him better I knew there were holes in his life, big ones that could not be filled by simple words or acts of kindness.  These holes went much deeper; and they had done a lot of damage over the years.

 

So, I always worked to be supportive.  He registered on some of the networks that try to match parents with their adopted children.  Nothing ever came of that effort.  I tried to search data bases, but the birth records on the Army base was securely locked, no luck there.  The official birth certificate from New Jersey listed his adoptive parents as his birth parents.  Somehow he discovered that his biological name was Paul J. Brown.  No help there, only 100 million Paul J. Browns on the planet.  So, we treaded water over the years, hoping that someday a hint might surface.

Unbeknownst to us at the time, our hint surfaced in January 2012.  It was during that month that I was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer, Essential Thrombocythemia, a diagnosis that to date has had little impact on my overall health.  But, as a result of the diagnosis, my hematologist asked me to complete a 23&Me DNA test.  That particular test, in addition to providing genealogy results, also provides extensive medical information based on your DNA composition.  For ET patients the test is attempting to build enough of a data base to track the DNA composition of the disease.  So, I submitted my DNA sample, got my medical information and my genealogy information. 

It wasn’t until November 2017 that it occurred to me that a DNA test might provide Pete with a hint as to his biological family. I suggested the test as a Christmas gift.  My thinking was the results might reveal some information regarding his family.  If nothing else it would provide the medical information embedded in his DNA, information of which he had no knowledge. 

Pete quickly agreed, I ordered the test, it arrived, he sent off his sample and we waited.  Because it was the holiday season we had to wait a little longer than usual due to the volume of holiday business.  However, finally in mid-January 2018, the test results arrived via the computer.  Peter opened the report and the first piece of information he read was that the report identified a first cousin!!

I still don’t know if it really sunk in to Pete what that meant.  He says it did, but I know that I can swear that he was in shock.  I let out with a little squeal and said, “You know what that means??!!!”  This cousin’s parent was a brother or sister to his mother!!!  Luckily this cousin, Helen, had left her file open for contact.  Peter emailed Helen and heard back from her within the hour!

Turns out that Helen’s mother had two sisters.  Her first guess was that it was the eldest sister who was Peter’s mother.  She had died in Canada at the age of 40 from the flu.  As Pete and Helen talked they ruled out that sister.  Pete shared the story of his mother serving in the Army at Ft. Dix with Helen.  In short order Helen found a newspaper announcement of her mother’s marriage listing her maid of honor as her sister, Marina, who was stationed at Ft. Dix, NJ.  BINGO!!  We hit the gold mine. 

Helen’s mother, Pete’s aunt, is Beverly who still lives in Sun City just outside of Tampa, Florida!  Helen lives in California but quickly contacted her mother and confirmed that Marina was indeed Pete’s mother.  Beverly and Marnia were very close throughout their lives and Beverly knew Peter as an infant  until he was given up for adoption.  Unfortunately, Marnia died in 2007 in Tampa.  What is so hard given this information is that during our marriage, all the times we visited friends and family in St. Petersburg, we could have met Pete’s Mom….if only we knew.

One step led to another and soon Pete was talking to Beverly and her second daughter, Renee.  What has been totally amazing is how accepting, kind, and forthcoming everyone has been.  Which leads us to the next step of The Adventure.  On July 22 we head south to meet Beverly and Renee.  Beverly is now in her 80’s and very fragile health.  So, the adventure will continue.  We will be meeting Pete’s family on Tuesday and Wednesday, July 24 & 25. 

We can’t wait!!