Father's Day 2011

Today is Father's Day and along with everyone else, I spent the day many times thinking of Dad.  He passed November 15, 2006 and while I no longer grieve for him....he had a long and wonderful life, I still do miss him so much. 

I am in Florida for the next 12 days and when I am here I try to attend the church that he and Mom attended during the last years of their life.  I miss church too, and occasionally I go looking for a church home in Ohio.  But so far, the only one I've found that I really like is Faith Presbyterian,Seminole, Florida. 

So there I was this morning, back in a familiar space, feeling close to Mom and Dad.  All was going well until the first hymn.  I have come to realize recently that I can't sing familiar hymns anymore.  I thought I was past the grieving for them...but when I am in church and they start to sing a familiar/favorite hymn, I chock up, my throat constricts and nothing comes out....because what I hear is not just the words to the hymn, but Dad's baritone voice, booming out next to my ear.  I can barely contain the tears and I have to just stand there.  Eventually a smile comes to my face and I relax and enjoy the sound of his voice, but I cannot sing along with him.

My singing or not isn't a great loss to the world.  I can barely carry a tune and have never been able to read music, but one of the great joys of my life is driving alone in my car with a favorite CD blaring away and me singing along with it at the top of my voice.  I never do that around anyone cause I wouldn't want to inflict such pain on them...the one place I sing in public is in church, with a favorite hymn....maybe Dad is trying to tell me something that he never told me in life....it's okay, just listen honey. 

So, now, I listen, I thank him for a wonderful memory, and wish him Happy Father's Day.