Bonus Moms

I got a huge compliment the other day.  Pete’s ex-wife, Josh and Kate’s Mom, referred to me as their ‘Bonus Mom’.  I love it, so much better than step-mother. 

She told me about the term recently as her step-children refer to her as their ‘Bonus Mom’.  Says a lot for the kind of relationship step-moms can have with their step-children. 

For me, it was always easy.  I knew even before I met Josh and Kate that there were certain boundaries to be cautious of.  Josh and Kate had a Mom and a Dad, they didn’t need another parent.   When I did finally meet them, they seemed to me a little fragile…they had just gone through their parent’s divorce and life was upside down for them.  I saw it. 

But I also saw these two wonderful children who responded really well to love and kindness and fun, so that’s what I went for.  We had them in Cincinnati with us for a week during the holidays and then a month during the summer when they were little.  It’s easy to make those times fun. 

I know that Hillary Clinton’s book, “It Takes A Village” met with some ridicule, but the notion of it takes a village, is not new and in reality it does take a village to raise children.  I do believe in the concept.  I like the notion of children experiencing as many different values, ethics, religions, etc. as possible.  Hopefully they learn ‘tolerance’ as they grow into adults, a sorely needed characteristic from which the entire world could benefit.  Parents who worry that their children will not embrace ‘their’ family values and beliefs need not worry.  If the love and support is there, children may stray a bit in their teen and early adult years, but typically I see them head back to home base when the time is right. 

I was raised by two villages; the Family Village of the Hallsted and Poff family members and the Church Village.  My earliest babysitters were my aunts and sometimes older cousins.  After we moved to Florida and I entered my early teen years, my Church Family came into play in a big way.  Our Presbyterian Church family kept a keen eye on all of us young teens throughout town.  There wasn’t much that any of us could get away with without our parents being notified.  A famous story during that era was of my friends Rick and Lanny who were dating getting stuck in the mud one night while they were ‘parking’ in a private area.  The closest help was a church member.  Oh boy, did the Village step up for that one!!!

So, if being a Bonus Mom means loving and caring for someone else’s children, I’m all for it, it is a term that I now embrace and will use frequently.  The world needs all the love it can get, and so does its children.