Farewell Dearest of Friends

Forty-nine years ago, this spring, I was returning from Anchorage for business when my roommate greeted me with the comment, that my then boyfriend had started dating another girl while I was out of town.  

No biggie, I had already decided that our few months relationship had run its course and obviously he had come to the same conclusion.  At that time Fairbanks was a fairly small town and it didn’t take long to spot Bob with his new girlfriend, because the town was so small and because he drove a very unusual car for Alaska, an older VW van with slat windows.   I would see them riding around town and I got a good enough look that I could recognize her.

About two weeks later I was driving past the ball fields when I saw the new girlfriend with her 3 year-old daughter sitting in the stands.  I admit, I was curious, so I parked the van, joined her in the stands and started visiting with her.  She had no idea who I was, just a nice friendly lady and that, dear readers, was the beginning of a 49-year friendship.

That night as the game was finishing it started to rain.  Karen and Gretchen had ridden to the ball field on their bike, so I offered to give them a ride home since I also drove a VW van and had plenty of room for the bike.  On the ride to their apartment, I fessed up and told Karen who I was.  She was mildly surprised, having no idea that Bob had a girlfriend out of town.  She apologized, I said, no problem, we were at the end of our rope, and she fessed up that she was also done with him, in a matter of 2-3 weeks.  So, all’s well that ends well.  From there a really awesome friendship evolved.

Karen did break up with Bob in short order and she and I became inseparable.  Fairbanks was a unique environment in that at the time there were about 10 men for every one woman, so that also meant that us ladies didn’t have many female friends to choose from.  Karen and I were a perfect fit. 

From Spring ’74 until July ’75 we had adventure after adventure.  Alaska was so much fun for two single ladies during the height of the pipeline construction when Fairbanks was flooded with men from all over the world. 

When I moved to Guam we lost touch for a while and then when I returned to Cincinnati in June 1976 she pretty quickly showed up down there from Alaska on another of her many adventures. 

From then on, we saw each other pretty often for having such a distance between us.  I made trips back to Alaska for visits that always included her.  We had several skiing trips in Colorado, multiple trips to Florida, a trip to France in 2004, to the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, 2002, multiple Nobel Conferences in Minnesota, 2017 it was Costa Rica, multiple visits to Maine, a skiing trip to Telluride, CO, 1988, where I first laid eyes on my future husband and she became my Maid of Honor in 1990.  We celebrated our 50^th birthdays together in Hawaii in 1998, toured the waters of the Outer Banks and rode mules together into the Grand Canyon…in other words, we were fabulous traveling companions.  

It was 2017 when life began to change for us though.  While in Costa Rica Karen began complaining of not feeling well.  She couldn’t describe the problem exactly, and over the years, while the issues became more prevalent, doctors could not offer an exact diagnosis.  What I noticed when I was with her, was her lack of energy, dragging her right foot as she walked, not ever smiling unless she was very consciously smiling (a departure from her usual countenance) and very little interest in her usual activities.  I could see that she was getting weaker and weaker. 

My last visit to see her was September 2022 for our annual visit to the Nobel Conference.  She needed assistance walking the campus and twice fell, getting out of my car.  She had a very difficult time getting out of bed.  Something was very wrong.  But even with all the tests and visits to the hospital, over and over and over again, no one had an answer.

Finally, the week of Christmas 2022 she once again ended up in the Emergency Room.  Once again, the doctors said there was nothing wrong with her.  But this time, finally, John, her husband, got in their face and said ‘Yes there definitely is something wrong with her and we aren’t leaving until you figure it out.’

A neurologist was called in, he did one test, and pronounced that the issue was ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease.  Why, why, why didn’t any other doctor over all these years figure this out??  Why!!???  Not that much could have been done, there is no cure, but at least we would have known.  And maybe she could have been managed better.  I don’t know.  I just can’t believe that it took this long to give her the diagnosis she needed.

Less than 4 months later, she is gone.  My heart is broken, I cannot image life without her.  I actually imagined growing old together in a nursing home, two goofy old ladies causing all kinds of mischief before the final curtain was drawn.  But that is not to be.  She goes before me, and I am sure, will be waiting there for me when the time comes.

A Flash to the Past

In the year 1968, I left home and moved back to Ohio, my home state.   It was the beginning of a grand adventure for me. I graduated from high school two years before and I had no plans for college or marriage, I just wanted to be free.

So off to Ohio, I went. I moved to a section of town called Mount Adams and there the fun began because it was the Cincinnati version of Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco. Nope, I wasn’t a hippie, I wasn’t into drugs but, I was into boys, and I dated a lot of boys. Some, most, I have no memory of at all. They came and went, like water down a stream. But some remained very memorable for me.

Many years later, I met and married my husband and settled down to the common life of married people... but recently, it’s been interesting to run into some of those old boy friends.

The first one happened at the YMCA where I go for exercise class. The Y had recently began offering pickleball, and I decided to try it out. It was a very communal activity in that people introduced themselves to each other very quickly and started having a lot of fun.

One day after about two weeks of going to pickleball, a new gentleman showed up. As usual, what we all did was walk up to him at some point and introduced ourselves. So, like the rest, I walked up to this gentleman about my age, held out my hand and said, ‘Hi, I’m Sue.’ He responded by saying, ‘Hey, I’m Rock!’ And in that instant, I recognized him.  I immediately froze. Rock Rockenfield was one of those memorable boyfriends. He and I dated for probably close to a year and we had a great time together. All kinds of fun. We broke up when he started dating a couple of other girls that I knew, and I went, ‘ehh, that's the end of that.’ Hadn’t seen him in close to 40 years.

My response to his introduction startled him and all I had to say was, “Hallsted” and then he froze. We looked at each other for a few seconds, and then I reached up and grabbed him and gave him a huge hug. And we laughed. He’s married, divorced, remarried. Had a set of twin boys, grandchildren, retired, you know, all the usual stuff.

I didn’t hang out in pickleball for very long. Decided it wasn’t for me. So, I haven’t seen Rock since, but it was a nice flashback to a great memory.

Then several weeks later, I was going to an art show with a friend. I knew that another old boyfriend would be there. The artist was his sister and I had stayed in touch with both of his sisters over the years. Jerry and I had gone together for over 10 years. First five years were dating casually, off and on, off and on, off and on, second five years is when I moved to Guam to be with him. I spent ten months there, and then another five years back in Cincinnati. We finally broke up when I no longer wanted to deal with his drinking. I see him occasionally, but not often. He is now married, and his wife is very jealous of any woman from his past.

So, the recent encounter at this art show was me and my friend, wandering around looking at the art. And as soon as I entered the room, I saw Jerry and his wife. He didn’t make eye contact with me, and I went, OK, but at some point, when his wife was involved elsewhere, I walked up to him, put my arm around his shoulder and looked at him face to face. I could tell instantly that he had no clue who I was. After a couple of seconds, I said to him, do you know who you’re looking at? He shook his head and said, ‘No’ I said, Sue Hallsted. He looked at me, and then he looked me up and down, like he was looking at some kind of critter he was going to buy. We talked for a couple minutes, but his wife came back over and while she was social, she was not warmly friendly so, I made my excuses and wandered off.

After I was home again, I reminisced in my head about Jerry and Rock.  Jerry in particular in that at one time we were engaged to be married.  The two of them were a huge part of those many years when I was young and single.  I wouldn’t trade those years for anything.  They were fabulous and created the woman that I am today. 

Thanks guys, for warmly, cherished memories.