On Becoming a Crone

In April 1992 I attended a croning ceremony.  It was my first and I felt honored to be invited.  My very dear friend, Frances Crotty, was celebrating her 70^th birthday and her family and friends were celebrating her coming of a certain age…as it turns out, a magnificent age.

I looked up the definition of ‘crone’.  There are a couple, the one I prefer is that of a wise, old woman; a woman who has survived the first 2 chapters of her life and learned so much.

The topic is of particular relevance as I and several of my dearest friends are celebrating our 70^th birthday this year.  It is interesting, as we visit with each other, our respective responses to this life milestone. I think most of us are taking this life event in stride.  However, what prompted me to start writing is one friend who is not responding well.  She has become very depressed and is exhibiting all the classical symptoms of depression. 

Until recently she was seeing many doctors to try and diagnose the physical symptoms she was experiencing.  Every test came back negative.  It was a puzzle.  Then, one by one the doctors tried to approach the subject of depression.  She categorically denied the possibility, until finally, just recently, she is beginning to realize that she is depressed.  We briefly discussed the topic.  I asked if she had any idea what is causing the depression.  She hesitated and then slowly shared that she could not stop thinking that the end of her life is near. 

Gotta tell you, that one stopped me on a dime.  I was stunned at this revelation. It is not that I am avoiding the reality of the inevitable.  I do, from time to time, think how if I get another 20 years I’ll count myself lucky.  But…I do not spend a lot of time thinking this way and I am very concerned that my friend, is to the point that her physical health is being affected. 

It is obviously a complex subject.  On one hand I don’t think we are well served by the fact that death is so removed from everyday life in our society.  One of the most significant events of my life, that impacted me so deeply, was sitting next to

my Mother as she passed.  That experience lifted a veil I had no idea existed in my psyche.   Any fear I had of death evaporated as she took her last breath.

I also believe that a religious element plays a profound role.  What is most significant, I believe, is whether or not a person truly embraces their chosen religious teachings.  I for one do not participate in traditional Christian practices; however, I am a firm believer in things like reincarnation, past lives and karma.  Not because of any particular religious beliefs, but from actual life experiences that have forced me to acknowledge their existence. 

So, what I wish for her is that she find a place of peace in her soul.  To be able to acknowledge the fabulous life she has had.  That it is not yet finished.  To savor each day she has before her and when the time comes, to slip gracefully and peacefully into that sweet night.  It serves no purpose to worry yourself into ill health over something which cannot be changed, it is inevitable…for all of us and all living things. 

On June 2 I will officially become a Crone.  I relish the date and look forward to it eagerly.  I consider it the last chapter of my life.  I have no idea how the last lines will read…but the last words will be…she lived her life well.